(1 fucking loser | be a fucking loser.) 183lbs [11 Sep 2003|06:56pm] it's the start to a new me.

(be a fucking loser.) 7th time's a charm 2nd time around. [27 Nov 2002|05:05pm] maybe you should learn to control yourself. i've been sitting here days biting my nails until they bleed. knawing them to the bone, sharping the tips to tickle your insides. i'll return the butterflies. god, the feeling you gave me. i can still feel it weeks later. the sky blush red. the clouds eyeshadow white. the moon was pale covered in heavy foundation that night. our pulses are together and off beat like blinkers and windshield wipers. but that moment when they finnaly meet the force is as strong as two trains coliding. our hearts spread across two hundred feet of track, i can feel the impact in between my chest and your back. and the bullets and pennies we lined up on each side of the rail have been completely demolished, we pick up the pieces with our fingernails. i'll walk across the sharpest glass barefoot to show i love you. ill carve your name in my flesh straight to the bone to show i love you. blood on the floor in your name. blood in my heart screams your name. my heart screams your name.

(be a fucking loser.) lonely rock. [12 Oct 2002|06:47pm] true love is found between best friends and the time they share apart. i have photographs of you in my room in frames shaped like hearts. it's almost been four days and still the only time i see your face is when i look in my heart. her youth medium shirt sits on my bed, it has that perfect scent that makes me think about her. bringing back memories that i won't forget, like the first times that we kissed or when i brought her flowers. i watch her put her bandana in place and it accents her face, and then she puts on matching make-up. putting on lip gloss i will later taste, she's making my heart race. if it's a dream i don't want to wake up. i sleep everyday with her shirt in my pillow case, it has the most amazing smell. as much as i try to hide it when i am with her. you can always tell how much i love her.

(3 fucking losers | be a fucking loser.) they only fall once. [12 Oct 2002|06:45pm] i gave the sky my heart, i gave the sky my hands, i gave the sky my trust, and it still came down and crushed me. i gave the sky my time, i gave the sky my space, i gave the sky my love, and it still came down and killed me. you were my sky, showed me every star and taught me how to fly. and i love you. a shooting star in the darkest sky, that was our wish that faded away.

(be a fucking loser.) all my friends are dead. [07 Oct 2002|10:43pm] don't feel this way anymore. listen to the sounds between my words, it's my heartbeat. hold the negative up to the light. what do you see through the shades of green? it's me. i didn't know friends could be so close. pink sunsets and beautiful constalations in our name. in our name beautiful constalations are made.

(be a fucking loser.) flowers from graveyards are romantic x10. [07 Oct 2002|10:41pm] always remember everyday in september because that is when it begins again. and i can see everybody is staring at me. and i can feel your heart beat through the sheets. and i'll drive for miles far east to put your head on my stomach, your stomach in my hands, and the lights on the streets. always remember everyday in december because that is when it ends again.

(be a fucking loser.) ...and the helicopter crashed into the moon. [07 Oct 2002|10:27pm] i am bleeding but it's hard to see the blood. it streams down the creases in my face. i tend to keep both of my eyes shut, it help to keep me from bleeding. i see blured lights when i cry. like the flash of a thirty-five. there's a glow around your face, but no color in your eye. bury myself in the snow and fall asleep. any way a decent man should die. like driving away from her house watching the rain smother your windshield. the street lights spread like spiderwebs.

(be a fucking loser.) lipstick. hair dye. eyeliner. [07 Oct 2002|09:46pm] our first and final kiss onfolded in events like this. we were walking through the lights and asked if youd fall with me in a heartbeat. and she answered, she cocked her head, closed her eyes, opened her mouth, and went in. that night we slept on the same couch but on different sides, with different people. that's right. and our final kiss. i could taste the salt on your lips. and sometimes i still see you lips smeared with spit. now the things i'd fucking hate. are the things i miss the most. i'd tear off my arms and send them to you just to know i could hold you close just for one more night. that's all i need.

(be a fucking loser.) as easy as debating physics with stephen hawking. [07 Oct 2002|09:43pm] when/if i come to, i dont want to see you. there's a time for everything and now's not the time, and it never will be. and it's okay just for today even though i know it'll carry onto tommorow. there's a time for everything but now's not the time and i just wish that you were mine. i know those plastic legs and glass eyes have caused murder suicides. tommorow i'll burn her clothes. i'll douse the notes in gasoline. maybe this will help clear my head of everything. you said that i was everything but just on the inside.

(be a fucking loser.) [07 Oct 2002|09:34pm] this is where my writings will go.

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